Welcome to reality- Chapter 22:

I was so confused about who I am.
I was so confused about who I want to be.
I was so confused about the person I am.
I was so confused about being considered a good person.
I was so confused about how people think of me.
I was so confused about whether I was considered thin enough.
I was so confused about my life.
I was so confused about what would happen between me and Bader
I was so confused about whether Farah is going to die.
I was so confused about everything.


These are the thoughts that rampage through my hear at the peak of dawn when insomnia strikes. So I decided to go on a stroll through the sleepless nights at that chalet.


I decided to change, in case I saw anyone. How awkward would it be If I saw my cousins when I was in my pajamas's. So I wore my navy blue abercrombie & fitch sweat pants and a sleeveless floral shirt. Kan shaklee filim, 7ail emraga3 because it was the first thing I found in my closet.


I went downstairs with my Ipod so I can have a jog on the beach hoping anyone wouldn't see me like this especially Bader. Surely enough like he was reading my exact thoughts as I sprung open the porch's door and there he was sitting on the white swing/bench that was handing from the sealing.


He was just sitting there thinking, staring deep onto the ocean and I was looking at him partly embarrassed of what I was wearing. I tries sneaking inside to change but just as I turned around He saw me, no turning back now.


"yasmeen?" Bader asked like he was surprised to see me awake, I just smiled at the way he said my name. It gave goosebumps all over my body, I love how his voice was so tough and smooth at the same time.


"shemga3dch?" He asked curiously and patted to the empty seat next to him indicating I have a seat.


"insomnia" I said, that was a lie. I hate lying to bader but it's to protect him. The thing is I wait until it's 4 A.M so I can start smoking because I would know everyone's asleep.


"ta3alay 5anil3ab li3ba" He said and I nodded my head in agreement and sat next to him. Now I know what he was staring at. The stars, It was simply breath-taking how even through there was visible sun rays that hit the sea the starts still shine. Only a small part of the sun had rosin though.


"the game" Bader said and interrupted my train of thoughts.


"ee goul" I said, not really up to a game but I don't want to let him down.


"mu l3ba 9ejiya bs it's something Russell crow did ib a movie mara. I'll give you a shape and you'd find it among the  starts, ana awal 3a6ene shape" He said over-enthusiastically.


"amlag li3ba" I said whingeing "ok, circle" I said as I finally decided.


He took my index finger between his hands, I like the game already. I hate how I'm so comfortable with him, like he can do anything and I would still be okay with it.


He pointed at the start of one star and to the last one making a huge circle, I gave him that smug look I have like 'zaaain minik' I knew he understood.


We continued to play the game for 20 minutes and now it wasn't anyone's turn we were just talking about everything.


He took my finger and I protested "heeeey! douree"


"I can't let this slip by, sorry" He said like it was really important.


He fingers went star to star until it made a big heart.


He stroked my hair between his fingers behind my ear. "you're to beautiful" He said, I just looked away like he has no Idea how ugly I feel sometimes I smiled shyly.


"3adee as'al so'al" He said


"you already did" I said with a smirk, He let out a chuckle


"laish ana?" He said, I was confused.


"ma fahamt" I said.


"kintay tigdireen atnageen ay wa7ed tabeen enshallah lu uhwa American. Shma3na ana? Shnu I'll '3air ily feeny" He said trying to explain his question.


I stood up, I wanted to leave. If I stay something is going to happen.


"gouleely" He said while gripping my hand lightly.


While standing I said "kilshay feek '3air wela 3umre a7ad gale nu9 il kalam ily giltlyaa wela 3umree chift a7ad e6ali3ny bel na'9ra ely inta et6ale3ny feeha"


"koush jawaab yal gumar" He said and he kissed my hand. I felt like a princess and I walked in and off to my room with the biggest smile.


I checked my ask.fm before I went to sleep and that was the worst decision I made.


"One question"


yal sl*t(bel 3arabee- fihmoha 3ad)



















I slept that night crying thinking that am really? Is that what people think of me? I woke up with a headache from crying. I felt helpless and a bad person, no one understands.