Welcome to reality- Chapter 17:

My bucket list:

oh, winter break how I've missed waking up whenever I wanted without an alarm or some one telling me I'm late to school. Plus I'm spending the entire winter break bil chalet with Farah and Deema. What could be better?


I you're wondering what happened between me and Bader it's the same. We talk. He started sending me these cute things on ask.fm. He'd send me "good morning ya 7elwa" or "keep smiling no matter what comes in your way" Too freakin' cute!


The chalet by the beach side is the only place where I forget my troubles, my worries, my sadness and my depression goes away and It's the only place I feel like home and sometimes it's the other way around sometimes at the shore is the only place I can break loose and start crying so much that my vision gets blurry. Sometimes you just need a good cry, even if you don't know the reason why you're crying.


Today I'm going to the chalet with my loves. Once I passed by their houses and we'd be off and I've downloaded the latest pretty little liars episode so we'd watch It together and ordered cookies from chocolate bar. Finally wi9alna il chalet wella kil my family ihnaak.


Salamna 3ala my family o nizalna ba7aar ma3ana its march but today's weather was like the middle of July. 9a3adt min il ba7ar to get my Ipod and tanning oil and I saw Bader and my heart literally skipped a beat. He was studying for his midterms which are like two weeks away:/


"hala bel ghalia hala" He said to me, which made my blush.


"esmaa3 ma abee hal kalam ma7eb chithy" I said


"afaaa, shda3wa magelt shay. ta3alay bagoulch shay" He said


He was about to put his arm around me and I backed away.


"laysh wakhartay?" He asked


"kilee may" I said, the truth is I didn't want him to get comfortable with this.


"okay sim3ay-I sat next to him but not too close- Kilman egoul love hurts, bes It's not true. Loneliness Hurts. Rejection Hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused ma3a love, but bel3aks love is the only thing in this world that covers up the pain and makes you feel okay again and when you fall in love with someone's personality kilshay 3an that person e9eer 7lu Yasmeen adree you might not love me now but you might later on o ana mabee I risk loosing you now for someone that I said 7atan lu it's the way I feel" He said throughout this entire speech of his I was looking down, not blushing, but thinking of what he was saying e7maar he was reading from his phone 3abala ma'adree. Still the thought that he wrote it down was enough


"akhaleech" He said and he kissed my hand and left.


I sat there just thinking. No matter how careful I am there's going to be the sense that I missed something, the collapsed feeling under my skin that I didn't experience it all. There's that feeling that I rushed right through the moments where I should have been paying attention. well I'll get used to that feeling this is how my whole life will be one day and I just to wonder am I doing the right thing?


I could be doing the wrong thing and in the end we break up or this could be wonderful and we would end up getting married. This could be the best or worst thing in my life but the question is am I ready to risk my entire life for him? I realized that when me and Khaled were together I never over thought anything. Maybe Bader is the one.


But what if tomorrow He notice's my flaws and imperfections and doesn't look at me the same way he looked at me tomorrow? What if I was fat I'd bet he'd never even look at me the same way because society has taught me that no matter what size I am I am never good enough that's why girls need make up to cover up because society has also taught us that who a girl is is not enough. That 's the thing about people you don't know if they love you for your looks or personality. I wish people would fall in love with their eyes closed.


As I saw Bader come back I stood up and went back to the shore. Even when i was surrounded with my two favorite people I was deep in my thoughts. Now I get the quote "thoughts can be the deepest scars" If I didn't tell Bader that I loved him, he would be my biggest "what if ?"


Later on I cruised around jlai3a with my girls, we reached an empty space killah bes land. We saw a far away car with three people I recognized the girl's face...


















I looked closer wela it was Haya, my cousin, kissing a guy.