Welcome to reality- Chapter 21:

"testahbilain intay? tadreen shnu weed?" I started my speech I was giving farah furiously.


She just glanced at me, not really caring. How can she be so careless that she's killing herself? I am such a hypocrite myself.


"weed yad3nee drugs. I'm going to give a list awal shay 7araaaam, thaniyan tadreen it can kill you, mu slowly nafs zigayer. You could be dead in a year, o ba3dain shnu? ra7 tandimeen farah. Thalithan Any drugs whatsoever are illegal in kuwait. Sim3ay farah I know et7ibeen etkouneen rebel o madree shnu, bes this is not rebellious ma ga3ada et'9ireen ay a7ad ila nafsch o ma7ad thanee o mu bes? 5alaa9 there's this limit in life and you just crossed it o fee mathal egoul fall down seven times, stand up eight" I gave this insanely long speech, She raised her eyebrows.


"ya3nee you've never done anything illegal or 7araam or that could kill you? You smoke. That's all three love." She said, I ignored what she said even though I know its true.


"sim3ay ya ina you don't do it again wela ana bagoul 7ag umch" I said, I don't think ina zain ahadidha what what other way is there?


"fuck you, I don't need this" she said and left the bathroom, she walked across her marble floor to her elegant black and white bed. Wow. We'd always curse each other but never really mean it. Now I know she meant it.


Whoever says "sticks and stones can break your bones but words will never hurt" is obviously wrong and hasn't lived in the harsh society we live in society, ugh if it weren't for this fu*ked up world, never at peace.


"you know I love you faroo7 o tadreen ina killa 7ag ma9la7tch. Ana masawait chithee ila 3alashan a7bch" I said


"adree, shbasawee bigounch? yalla 5an rou7" She said with her pale and depressed face, She looked so tired.


"akeed tabeen etrou7een?" I asked very considerd


"ee" She said seeming determined.


"cham puff khathaitay" I asked


"one laish?" She said


"every puff is one hour, so we'll wait 30 mins ba3dain 3ala ma nou9al ila 5ala9 one hour" I said, and Farah raised her eyebrows


"wentay shdaraach?" She asked curiously


"google, yallah goumay badlay" I said


She changed into the outfit I laid out for her with matching gold gladiator sandals. She but on some concealer, eyeliner and mascara & we sat there waiting for the half-an-hour. And our overactive imagination started to get a little wild when over thinking took over.


I don't like memories
because the tears come easily,
and once I break my promise
to myself for this day It's a constant battle.
A war between remembering and forgetting.
So I won the battle but I lost the war.



I want to skip school for a couple weeks.
I want to shut my phone off and not log into a computer.
I want to see if anyone will ask me on twitter or text me.
I want to see if anyone would care where I was.
I want to see if anyone notices If I'm gone.
Only a few people care, the rest are just curious.


I'm awkward.
I smile a lot.
I trust people I shouldn't.
I'm quiet at times.
I get w I get left out.
I like to be able to be myself.
I try to be prettier but give up a lot.
I've been hurt.
I don't like my appearance at times.
I'm not perfect.

my over-thinking got too over.

-

"halaaa bel 7elween" my grandmother greeted me and Farah happily.


"hala mama 9afya, shlonich?" I said and Farah greeted her too. We said out hello's to everyone and I asked my mother


"mama wain kilman?"


"dakhel il 9aloun" My mother replied looking down at her phone. salamt 3alaiha wela 6alat ib wayhe, ugh she hates me


"mashkoura yuma, weyed 3a6aiteeny wayh" I said with rage and fury and walked away. I walked into the 9aloon (which is like a big room for esteqbal)


Dashait 3ala kil my cousins emba96een ga3deen 7a6eenluhm 9ma6 o ga3deen yakloun 3al al'9.


"sh'hal ynoun ele ga3deen etsawoona? fee shay esma 6awla!" I said on top of their voices


"ee el7amdellah 7atan e7na eb5air" Salem, Bader's younger, said


"ya3nee damk khafeef ma3a il wayh" I shot back.


"wallah lu mama 9afya tadree, tithba7kum" I said, ma7ad rad 3alay


I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket indicating that I had a bbm.


"ta7giroun ha?" I asked, kilman mendimij bel machboos, esta'3farallah but it grossed me out bes Farah eg3idat takel yamhum china wa7ed min il rabe3.


I took my phone out, one bbm from Bader.


Bader: 7ubch already gatilny. That's when I said mama 9afya bitithba7hum, love how he sweet talks me but I ignored the bbm. I'm so not the lovey-dovey type.


Bader: matadreen shitsaween feeny laman ti7gereeny, akh ya galbe 


Yasmeen: chub yallah 3ad lat 9eer 3ayar


Bader: LOOOOL khalech chithee 7ag ile e'3azlounich mu 7ag 7abeebch


I was going to reply laman sima3t a7ad eyebeb foug. I quickly went to see what was going on.


I saw this girl wearing hijab, her back was to me. When she turned around my face went pale yellow. She had that even smirk on her face.



























Haya ti7ajibat.

Welcome to reality- Chapter 20:

weeks passed and everything went back to normal o ma gimna enshouf Haya at all, The last time I saw her was at the chalet. She even deactivated her ask.fm, her twitter account and her instagram.


Me and Bader's relationship has never been better, The occasional fights that don't last for an hour or so..


I woke up to the sound of bird's chirping. It's like music to my ears. I quickly took out a book from the table next to my bed It's called the perks of being a wallflower I really love it!


Today's Friday, yadetee emsawya zwara ib bait'ha. I invited Farah to come with me because she's been having family problems, Her parents are getting a divorce. She only told me, I would have invited the rest of the girls but friday's family zwaras 3indihum and I would not want to disturb.


Bru7hum my family thinks I go out a lot fa ilyoum ma ra7 ni6la3 elyoum. Going to be a chill day with farah. I want to be there for her. I know her depression is taking over, She's been smoking a lot more than usual. I'm worried about her.


I felt my phone vibrate, I was sitting on it. I fell asleep texting Bader, God I sound so cheesy.


Farah: Tara ana mu yahel


Farah: I can take care of myself  


Farah: Yasmeen wainich you said 12 its 12:30


Farah: it's one 7abeebty goumay


Farah: Answer your phone!!!!!!!!!!


Farah: answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


And 17 missed calls shefukny minha al7een, Tow il naas. I peeked at my clock wella it's 2. I got up as fast As I could and changed into a cute summer-ish dress. It was hot outside but not summer hot, even in the winter break I got a tan. Koush jaw wallah.


I called my driver and told him to come and start the engine now. I applied eyeliner, mascara and a little concealer under my eyes. I need to sleep more.


I got into the car o ma wi9alt gabl 5 mins el7amdellah et3eesh ib nafs my block. I came to a stop to a huge and modern house, with swings outside o shakel il bait mat3oub 3alaih. I've always admired her house. The house looks huge for no one to live in just Farah and her soon-to-be divorced parents


Yasmeen: ana barah yallah na6ra. 


6ab3an ezra3atny 3ind bab baitha, so I checked Ask.fm. One "question" they were never questions always insults.


A3arf srch intay o Bader, if you don't do what I say. Bagoul 7ag Remas -H


Maskeena. 3abalha bithadidny.


Farah dashat Il sayara, wearing all black. I deleted the question 3ala 6oul, I had more important issues. Her headphone's blasting with Lana Del Rey's Dark paradise. oh, no.


All my friends tell me I should move on
I'm lying in the ocean, singing your song
Ahhh, that's how you sang it
Loving you forever, can't be wrong
Even though you're not here, won't move on
Ahhh, that's how we played it

And there's no remedy for memory your face is
Like a melody, it won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead

Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side

All my friends ask me why I stay strong
Tell 'em when you find true love it lives on
Ahhh, that's why I stay here

And there's no remedy for memory your face is
Like a melody, it won't leave my head
Your soul is haunting me and telling me
That everything is fine
But I wish I was dead

Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side
Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you

But that there's no you, except in my dreams tonight,
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight
Oh oh oh, ha ha ha
I don't wanna wake up from this tonight.


mabee a9eer judemental bes chinha emo.


"en6ir one minute" I told my driver


I opened the door and shoved Farah out.

"a77, shfeech maynouna?" Farah said almost yelling


"ana maynouna? entay shnu labsa!" Now I was yelling bs 7adeegat'ha imsakira fa maku neighbors yismi3oun.


"ta3alay" I grabbed her arm and took her inside.


"wain darich?" I asked, she shook her arm from my grip and walked the marble satires towards her room.


I rampaged her closet and found a suitable pair of floral pants and a white sleeveless shirt. I gave the outfit to her. "libseehum" I ordered. I know she hates me, I'm acting like a mother but It's for her best.

She took the outfit and went to the bathroom, I waited 7awaly 10 minutes.


I knocked the door "Farah" I said

she didn't answer.

"Faraah" I said louder and knocked on the door.

she still didn't answer

"Faraah bafich il baad" I said

"Dishay" She said.

Unchanged, sitting on the tiled floor smoking. She looks so dead.

"shakla mu zigayer" I said with disgust 

















"It's not, It's weed" Farah said

Welcome to reality- Chapter 19:

It was farah, khare3atny.


"mnu tan6ereen?" she asked again, just when she asked Bader showed up with a smile. Bismillah Towa em3a9eb. Bipolar much?


"ana barou7" Farah said with a smirk on her face. "be nice to her" Farah also said when she was leaving. The love I have for this overprotective girl is endless. I mean I love Deema to death but she's not supportive of anything I do. Always having second thoughts, But Farah she really understands me and what going on in my life. She's a tough girl, Deema, but she's way too traditional.


"shlon el7ub?" He asked as he came closer and put his arm around my back.


"umm.. la'" I said and moved away but took his hand instead. "zaina" I said with a smile and sat on the old swing while he sat to the one next to me. I wanted to stay here and just talk. About everything. About nothing too.


"shfeech?" He asked because he knew it was unlikely that I called him out here just to talk


"mafeeny shay kan shaklik im3a9b and I wanted to tell you tara I'm here If you ever need to talk to anyone, I can be your friend and help you with whatever that's happening" I said but he kept his eyes on the ground. I put my finger under his chin so he lifts his head up and he kissed that finger.


"bala ma9khara, 7arakat Romeo ma tamshee ma3ay" I said and he chuckled.


I looked into his eyes and I just got lost. He was hiding something. You see Bader's the type of person that's always happy and always wants to see everyone around him happy and laughing. Tries to cheer everyone up. I love that about him.


"laysh kint im3a9eb?" I asked, annoyed that he tried to change the subject.


"laa walashay a7ad emnarfizny" He said


"mnu?" I asked


"la khala9 entaha il mow'9oo3" He said


"abee a3arf mnu?" I asked again, He knew that I wouldn't stop until he told me


"haya enzain?" He said mitnarfiz


"haya? shnu galat?" I said, now i was angry.


"bas 5ala9 yasmeen falat" He said


"goul" I insisted


"Haya 2lfat 3anch salfa bs darait ina kanat ga3da etchatheb" Bader said


"oh, okay" I said


"matabeen et3arfeen shnu?" He asked surprised that I didn't want to know


"adree, ehya sawatha mu ana o darat eny chiftha fa tinarfizat o galat lik ely saweta bs galat ana sawaita instead bs enta tadree 6oul il youm kint ma3a farah o deema" I said


"gilt 7ag mohammad (her brother)" He said while his head at the floor


"shnu??" I said with my eyes wide open with shock


"3alashan et3arf ma et6ale3 3anch 7achee" Bader said


"min9ijk?" I asked again, still surprised at bader. He used be the one that never wanted problems


"ee wallah. Ma7ad beyid5al baina mara thanya. A3alimha, allah yaster 3alaiha bs. O ana ma7ad ra7 yitkalam ow ya'3l6 3ala murty bel mostaqbal. Entay 6ab3an." He said, I blushed and looked at the floor. I was too shy.


"umm, yalah 5an dish dakhel?" I suggested


"shda3wa tisti7een ana bag3d shway, gamta dakhel." He said


"chub yallah" I said then I was going to walk away.


But Bader grabbed my hand lightly and said "I love you"



























I finally got the courage to say it back "I love you too" I smiled and blushed and walked inside quickly before he could respond

Welcome to reality- Chapter 18:

Disgusting. Shlon titjara' itsawee shay chithee? 3aib. ma tist7ee? It's not that she hung out with a boy, It's that she kissed him. wain ga3deen? I know farah and deema saw her but didn't say a word. They kept glancing at each other and didn't find the right words to say.


Rija3na il chalet and we sat outside in balcony while watching all my cousins and uncles BBQ'ing. I saw a tall figure coming from behind as I watched the shadow came closer and closer.


Until I realized it was Haya, she sat in a corner next to farah. Farah was sitting next to me. I was bored so I checked my ask.fm. I got question, hate talks and rare compliments.


you're so nice and genuine.


you make me sick. disgusting person.


I heard you were a bad person to be friends with!:o


really pretty but you use it for advantage:p 


WTF are you friends w/ Farah! bitkharbch. I showed it to farah


"Haters keep on hatin' 'cause they're jelouuus plus intay mikhtarba when I met you" I laughed at her respond. Etha ana Lu ta'athart wayeed. The thing is my friends are so care-free. They easily forgive and forget about the past. The look at life positively and they think every day is a new day.


 On the other side I am bipolar and I'm always depressed and lonely. I don't easily forgive except rarely for the people I know the best. Never have I been positive. I always look at the down side of things.


Then one question popped up and it was asked one minute ago.


yal slut. Laysh short hal gi9r? I read the "question", I looked up and Haya gave me that evil smirk of hers. I wasn't going to say anything about what I saw bs yabeta 7ag nafsha. For a moment I had this weird adrenaline rush. It was unlike me.


When someone jokes or stays anonymous while talking about my insecurities and I have to act like it doesn't bother me. Well It does and I'm sick of people talking about the things I wear or what I say or If I've lost or gained weight


I went and sat on haya's other side and whispered in her ears "ana il slut ha? yalee matisti7een 3ala wayhch itgouleely slut and how Ironic is it that you've just been kissing a guy out in the open desert" I said and sat back in my seat and she stomped away furiously.


"shnu gelteelaha" Deema asked me curiously and farah turned to face me to hear my answer. I showed them the question and told them what I told her.


"slut ib3ainha, how Ironic is it that the only slut in the room is her?" Farah said bursting with anger.


A bunch of my cousins walked in and with them Bader.


"salaam 3alaikum" They all said "wa3alaikum il salaam"


All the guys faces were glued to their phones, I was just watching them. So bored waiting for my food.


All the guys and the girls were smiling at their phone screens. Its obviously a joke that was broadcasted or tweeted. Until bader's face changed completely from smiling to furious. Shfeeh?


Yasmeen: shfeek?


Bader: madree shfeeny! intay gooleely?


Yasmeen: shnu ga9dik? ish9ayer?


Bader: maku shay tabeen itgooleely?


Yasmeen: nothing in particular.


Bader: Mhhm.. okay


Yasmeen: shfeek im3a9b?


Bader: mu im3a9b min gal?


Yasmeen: faj'a gilab wayhik


Bader: mu lazim akoum mistanis all the time.


Yasmeen: okay I didn't know what else to say.



Bader: ok?


Yasmeen: tell me what's bothering you, meet me 3ind the old tree jidam in 10.


Bader: okay.


"shfeech?"  Farah asked me


"wala shay" I said not wanting anyone to know what's wrong I showed her my phone. I left the balcony and went out front standing next to the old tree.


So many memories here and I remembered when we had the swings out here but now they're old and rusty. I cracked my leg once and I still had a long scar, not visible but I can feel it.


I waited..


5 minutes...


10 minutes..


He didn't show up.


15 minutes..


20 minutes..


I saw a tall figure coming closer


"Akheeran sharaftna" I yelled out to him.


"mnu tan6ireen?" the voice yelled back.








It wasn't Bader, It was ....

Welcome to reality- Chapter 17:

My bucket list:

oh, winter break how I've missed waking up whenever I wanted without an alarm or some one telling me I'm late to school. Plus I'm spending the entire winter break bil chalet with Farah and Deema. What could be better?


I you're wondering what happened between me and Bader it's the same. We talk. He started sending me these cute things on ask.fm. He'd send me "good morning ya 7elwa" or "keep smiling no matter what comes in your way" Too freakin' cute!


The chalet by the beach side is the only place where I forget my troubles, my worries, my sadness and my depression goes away and It's the only place I feel like home and sometimes it's the other way around sometimes at the shore is the only place I can break loose and start crying so much that my vision gets blurry. Sometimes you just need a good cry, even if you don't know the reason why you're crying.


Today I'm going to the chalet with my loves. Once I passed by their houses and we'd be off and I've downloaded the latest pretty little liars episode so we'd watch It together and ordered cookies from chocolate bar. Finally wi9alna il chalet wella kil my family ihnaak.


Salamna 3ala my family o nizalna ba7aar ma3ana its march but today's weather was like the middle of July. 9a3adt min il ba7ar to get my Ipod and tanning oil and I saw Bader and my heart literally skipped a beat. He was studying for his midterms which are like two weeks away:/


"hala bel ghalia hala" He said to me, which made my blush.


"esmaa3 ma abee hal kalam ma7eb chithy" I said


"afaaa, shda3wa magelt shay. ta3alay bagoulch shay" He said


He was about to put his arm around me and I backed away.


"laysh wakhartay?" He asked


"kilee may" I said, the truth is I didn't want him to get comfortable with this.


"okay sim3ay-I sat next to him but not too close- Kilman egoul love hurts, bes It's not true. Loneliness Hurts. Rejection Hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused ma3a love, but bel3aks love is the only thing in this world that covers up the pain and makes you feel okay again and when you fall in love with someone's personality kilshay 3an that person e9eer 7lu Yasmeen adree you might not love me now but you might later on o ana mabee I risk loosing you now for someone that I said 7atan lu it's the way I feel" He said throughout this entire speech of his I was looking down, not blushing, but thinking of what he was saying e7maar he was reading from his phone 3abala ma'adree. Still the thought that he wrote it down was enough


"akhaleech" He said and he kissed my hand and left.


I sat there just thinking. No matter how careful I am there's going to be the sense that I missed something, the collapsed feeling under my skin that I didn't experience it all. There's that feeling that I rushed right through the moments where I should have been paying attention. well I'll get used to that feeling this is how my whole life will be one day and I just to wonder am I doing the right thing?


I could be doing the wrong thing and in the end we break up or this could be wonderful and we would end up getting married. This could be the best or worst thing in my life but the question is am I ready to risk my entire life for him? I realized that when me and Khaled were together I never over thought anything. Maybe Bader is the one.


But what if tomorrow He notice's my flaws and imperfections and doesn't look at me the same way he looked at me tomorrow? What if I was fat I'd bet he'd never even look at me the same way because society has taught me that no matter what size I am I am never good enough that's why girls need make up to cover up because society has also taught us that who a girl is is not enough. That 's the thing about people you don't know if they love you for your looks or personality. I wish people would fall in love with their eyes closed.


As I saw Bader come back I stood up and went back to the shore. Even when i was surrounded with my two favorite people I was deep in my thoughts. Now I get the quote "thoughts can be the deepest scars" If I didn't tell Bader that I loved him, he would be my biggest "what if ?"


Later on I cruised around jlai3a with my girls, we reached an empty space killah bes land. We saw a far away car with three people I recognized the girl's face...


















I looked closer wela it was Haya, my cousin, kissing a guy.

Welcome to reality- Chapter 16:

Dedicating this post to @ourkuwaitilife for being the sweetest person ever!







"SHNUU GALCH?" Deema gasped, two girls from my class turned around to see what we were talking about.


"ee takhayilay khalatny ib 360 ibrou7y!" I said trying to ragi3ha.


It's been a week I haven't talked to him or anyone else about this because I was so wrapped up in exam week. I just finished my last exam and I was waiting for my driver to pick me up.


"inzain if you don't feel the same you have to tell him" Deema said


I stayed quiet.


"You like him" Deema said


"ee akeed I like him, what's not to like? Have you seen him?" I said


"Yasmeen but you don't love him?" Deema said


"Actually I don't know what to feel anymore Deema barou7 my driver ya, ta3alay wa9leeny" I said, I don't know what to feel or how to react.


"Yasmeen, whenever you need to talk I'm here" She said, A7b hal bent min kil galbee


"thank youuuu lovee" I said while wrapping my left arm around her.


"walaw, etha I'm not here for you 3ayal 7ag mnu?" She said, cute.


We arrived at my car, "awa9lch dayoum?" I asked deema


"agid 3ala my driver achouf waina" She said


"ashouf" I corrected her teasingly


"whatever" She said while clicking numbers on her phone.


"aloo, hala 3abas.. wainik?..ulaa, laish lail7een ma 6ela3t?... Adree gilt 12:30 bes al7een 12:25 nawee to9al il 5 mins ya3ne?... 5ala9 latyee.. ana yirja3 ma3a my friend.. yasmeen, tell mama.. bye" I heard her say, she was furious.


"3abas esalem 3alaich" She said, I laughed to myself. She's so cute when she's mad


"bamer bait yadity awal ahaly imsafreenha 3ashan she gets her mind off things" I told deema


I told my driver to go to my grandmother's. Me and Deema talked, it's been so long since we've been together alone. I miss that, I missed how we were. I miss how we used to be just me, her and Fajer in the old days. Wi9alna bait yadity.


wana o deema dasheen through 7oush bait yadetee I saw Bader, god I am so not ready to talk to him yet.


He looked at me and smiled and I thought to myself how genuine his smile was. In that moment I realized that I loved him but I'm not ready to tell him, not yet.


"bakalmich ba3dain, an6erich ehnee. Hala deema shlonich? salmay 3ala ekhwanech" Bader said and I gazed at him. He got me by the way he is. I nodded.


"7amdellah zaina, enshallah" Deema said


I smiled at him, looked down and walked inside. I walked into my grandmother's 9ala wela she was looking at an old picture of her teens with my grandfather. When she saw us she wiped a tear from under her eye and put the photo away. I really knew how she was feeling.


My grandparents had like a "the notebook" fairy tale. They're always talk about how much they loved each other. I sat with her and she talked about London and she gave me things she bought for me, I lost track of time until I realized that we spent an hour. I totally forgot about Bader.


We said our goodbyes and We went outside.
Bader was still waiting for me, how cute is that?


"ban6irich bil sayara" Deema said, giving me a wink when Bader wasn't looking.


"you look really pretty" Bader said, I know I look like crap.


"I look ungly towne yayah min il madrisa" I said


"you never look ugly. Jamaal il koun killah ma you9al mowa9eelich" He said


"Thank you" I said and looked down.


"la tiste7een miny" He said, I was still looking down.


"shloun ur exams?" He asked


"7adaa zaaainn! yimkin ayeeb bil 100" I said


"chathaba, ya3nee zafatay?" He said, he knows me too well.


"pretty much, I need to go" I said


"no goodbye hug?" He asked with a puppy face


"la'" I said


"shda3wa?" He said with a puppy face.


"ok" I said as I hugged him and he hugged me tighter


"7atan lu mat7ibeeny 3ady, I'll understand" He said still hugging me and he kissed my forehead. wow that was deep.


"mnu gal ma a7bk?" I said surprised by him and backed away.


"yanee et7ibeeny?" He said ya3nee bi9eed il 7araka


"laman i'm ready bagoulik" I said


"already gilteely" He said with a grin.


"chub" I said and walked towards the door


He walked with me until the car and said "you really are pretty and any guy that doesn't see it must be blind"


I smiled walked to the car, happiness just hit me like a train on a track. He always makes my day with his sweet words and the way he is. I spent the rest of my day at Deema's and we went out to the Avenues.A great day to start winter break.




Finally happy for now.

side note:

Just something to think about:

A smile: 

It cost nothing, but creates much.

It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.

It happens in a flash and the memory of it lasts forever.

None are so rich they can get along without it and none so poor but are richer for its benefits.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote for trouble.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody till it is given away!

If someone is to tired to give you a smile, leave one of yours.

For, nobody needs a smile so much as those who have none to give.

-----Anonymous
_______________

Smiling is infectious,

you catch it like the flu.

When someone smiled at me today

I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner,

and someone saw my grin.

When he smiled I realized,

I'd passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile,

then I realized its worth.

A single smile just like mine,

could travel round the earth.

So, if you feel a smile begin,

don't leave it undetected.

Let's start an epidemic quick,

and get the world infected!

Welcome to reality- Chapter 15:

I woke up the next morning 3ala the sound of fajer it7en foug rasee


"yasmeen, yasmeen yallah goumay YASMEEN" she repeated over and over. bathba7ha


"way, 7ana 7ana eefff! muz3ija" I said as I wrapped my cover around me tighter to avoid sunlight.


"ba3ad shasawee? i'm leaving tomorrow night. I want as much time as possible with you" Jouri said


"ta3alay hug me, I love you so much jour" I said


"7abtch el 3afya" She came and hugged me tight


"yallah my phone" I said and I pointed at it ushering her to get it.


"kalbaa" she said and tossed my phone at me.


I checked wela 3endy 3 bbm's


Farah: ta3alay bnaider
Yasmeen: your chalet?
Farah: yeah, fee hot guys
Yasmeen: i'll be there b3d shway + stop bribing me bayeeb my cousin ok?
Farah:LOOOOL, 7ayaha


Sula:5an nadres study group
Yasmeen: fa'9ya, ana mu bil deera
Sula: I know, I gave up on studying. barou7 7ag farah yaya?
Yasmeen: yep ma3a jouri
Sula: shakhbaree, can't wait!!:D

PING!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


Deema: call me.
Yasmeen: makhale9 min il 7ana ana


Deema calling..


"9aba7 il nour" Deema said, abe a3aref it's 11 a.m


"khair?" I said obviously malee khulg


"bityeen chalet farah?" Deema asked


"tadreen iny bayee, Deema" I said


"salmay 3alaiha" fajer said


"Jouri itsalem 3alaich" I said to Deema


"jouri!! speaker" Deema said


"dayoumi!, I miss you!" Jouri yelled


They have the same personality, inarfizoun.


"babadel akhaleekom itsolfoun" I said


I took a shower and changed, I took about almost an hour and they were still on the phone.


"yallah bye deema" I closed the phone ma9arat conversation, ma9ikhouha.


Me and Fajer went downstairs and I told her she was coming with me.


I sat between Baba and 3amee omar, fajer's dad


"baba, 3amee omar" I said and they both turned their attention to me.


"3adee ana o fajour inrou7 bnaider, chalet our friend, farah?" I asked


"3adee bes maku a7ad ewadeekum, kil il sowaag bil deera. 3ad towa abdullah raye7" 3amee omar said


"ana awadeehum, al7een raye7" Bader came into the room and said, saved. I smiled at him and he smiled back, faja'a esta7ait my cheeks turned red, shfeeny? usually ma asti7y mina. Technically he's 17 so he doesn't drive bes his family let's him because ya3nee he looks older o chithee o e7na bil chalet.


"Yasmeen lazem tadriseen" Baba said


"one hour" I said trying to bargin.


"okay" He said. wow. If I knew he would agree this fast I would've said 1/2 an hour. okay


"khalay Bader o Fajer idarsounch" 3amity galat

allah yaster. La bil 9ag6a but yallah. They both gave me an evil smile.

"yallah goumow bes latig3idoun titfalsifoun foug rasee" I said to them


"okay" Bader said and chuckled


"e7a9lch" Fajer said, I just ignored her.


Farah bbm'ed me

Farah: yallah ma 9arat one hour
Yasmeen: one more stu-dying, dying, dying:(
Farah: yallah ma3alaih, love you:*
Yasmeen: me too fofo xx
Farah: DIRSAAYY!
Yasmeen: okay, okay xoxo

We all went to the glass covered room, they tried to teach me but they ended up fighting and with that the hour was over.


"khali9at il sa3a" I said annoyed


"ma darasty shay" Bader said


"ee madree min mnu" I said to myself but they heard me.

we made our way to 3ame omar's car, Mercedes 1952, Le Mans Triumph, I'm not really a car person but I love this one. it's a beauty! I called my dad and told him I was going. Bader unlocked the car, it's too small to be called a car. I sat in the front maku majaal ag3ad wara.

 Jouri's never been in the car before fa il 9aida ig3idat "wara" I Think it's a two seat car wel bajee extra space bes Bader igoul it's a four seat car bes there's barely three. Throughout the entire ride we chatted then I pretended to sleep but I was caught up with my thoughts.

What if Bader really loved me? I knew it was unlikely but I couldn't help but think . Anyway, thank god that Bader never broached the subject of love. Maybe his feeling towards me were no different from the customary affection between friends or between brothers and sisters. Perhaps my years in this society had so perverted my judgement in these matters that when a man was being nice and kind to me I mis-read it as love. I felt regarded me as a pampered younger sister whom he tried to make happy- the way he tried to make everyone happy. And yet again Bader cut off my train of thoughts.


"yasmeen?" Bader said, oh how I love hearing my name coming out of his mouth.


"hala?" I said


"cham raqam il chalet?" He asked


"kaa I can see it chalet al- x" I said


"Deeray balch ha? ehny killa 9bayan 3ala il beach side o etha a7ad ta7arash feech call me" He said, shda3wa overprotective much?


"okay bye bader" I said and didn't realize how squeaky my voice was. Fashla but then I smiled like nothing happened.


"ma3a il salamah" He said


Me and Jouri left the car and walked towards the chalet


"bye bader" Jour said trying to mimic my voice


"chub" I said, I looked wela Deema and Farah were coming. Bader was still waiting for us to get in. cute:D


"Jouri" Deema said and gave fajer a hug and ran inside.


"mnu hal 7lu ile emwa9lch?" Farah said and I looked back at him, He flashed me a million-dollar smile and drove away. Too hot.


"haw bader, shfeech?" I said


"He looks different, akeed athar il sayara. naar" She said


"il sayara nar wela uhwa?" I asked


"both" She said, LOL typical.


The day went by pretty fast we were eating all day, tanning and gossiping and just regular things. I met Farah's family they were nice.


Bader came to pick me up when it was 10-ish. Fajer didn't come because she was going to the deera with Sula and Deema. Bader came he asked me about my day and I asked him about his and we talked. Wi9alna il chalet wela maku a7ad.


"wainhum?" I asked


"kilman ra7 bitirji3een ma3ay" He said, what the hell? wain ga3deen?


okay this is going to be an awkward ride.


I've been in a car with him but not completely alone(except for drives between bnaider and jlai3a) and not laman il deera.


I think I'm overreacting and this is okay etha ahaly ra'9yeen and I'm surprised my dad agreed to this, He's usually old-fashioned and overprotective. I packed my things and went outside.


He had his back against the window of the car typing something on his phone, as I got closer I could smell his Abercrombie and Fitch cologne and It killed me, once he saw me coming he came and carried my bag and put it in the back. I felt my phone vibrate wela it was Farah asking about some fashion crises she has.


"mintay dasha?" He asked while he was holding the door for me.


"mashkour" I said as I got in. That's a first. First time for everything huh?


At first it was a bit awkward but then it was completely normal but then he started telling jokes and he was insanely funny. The most attractive thing about a guy is his sense of humor.


"yasmeen khansawy a confession session, to clear the air''He said eagerly I didn't like the sound of that but against my better judgement I nodded. "intay awal" He said


"well you know all about me so here it goes.. marat I feel like i'm a bad person. a7es my existence e'9ayed wayed nas, a7es ma fee fayda bil 7ayat and sometimes a7es ma7ad beyet'athar if I died o sta'3farallah bes ma a9aly kil il 9alawat and at night sometimes I start crying for no reason. A7es there's something wrong with me bes madree shnu. Bader I get really depressed I know I really don't show it from the outside but that's how I feel and everything i do in life has to go wrong. I don't remember the last time I was really happy for an entire day or the last time I laughed so much until cried" I said crying, I felt so weak


"bes khala9 yasmeen ma asta7mel ashouf hal wayh il 7lu yabchee" He said


"a9lan why do you care?" I asked really confused


"you know why I care? I care because you are the strongest woman I know and the most independent. La'ana bil mostashfa intay shifteny laman enzilat dam3a min 3ainy laman towafa yadee abdullah o adree intow closer o ma chift 7atan 3ainich it'3orig la'ana adree intay ma tabcheen jidam ay a7ad and because I know when everything falls apart you'll be stronger than ever." He said as he wiped my tears with his finger. It's the first time he's ever touched me this way. It feels different. That really made my day.


"we're so deep" He said


LOOOOL, He really know how to make my day I smiled aside from what just happened. "yallah dourik about your past" I said, this should be good.


"okay. I used to like this girl actually I loved her so much ledarajat ina if she'd ask me to jump off a cliff i'd do it bedoun as'ela ba3dain giltlaha iny a7ebha o kina ma3a ba3ath for 1-2 years o ba3dain uboha got a job ib London o she left without saying goodbye o ma7abait a7ad min 3igubha laman al7een. A7ibich yasmeen" He said





I was speechless..

Welcome to reality- Chapter 14:

We cancelled on the plan, too bad we even called it "Revenge part 1" but we figured that he probably would know where he was and if we do all these stupid things we wouldn't be better than him.


Eventually Bader did leave the hospital, the doctor told him that he needs rest his heart whatever that means and needs to be in a peaceful place. So Bader decided that he wanted to live in the chalet for the next months. He had his midterms postponed because he can't be under stress while my midterms are next week. lucky me:(


my mother did agree that i'd go to the chalet this weekend and i'd spend it by studying. LOL I can't believe that she believed me:D who am i kidding me and studying are not in the same dictionary. The worst part about the weekend is that i'm going to see haya


Today's thursday, me and the family decided we'd go out for lunch. which was kind of weird. we don't usually do that, we don't "bond". I woke up this morning wella mama makhtha my phone, I know she has good intentions but I know she doesn't care.


we went to chocolate bar, the place was pretty much deserted, just a family having lunch and two teenage love birds sitting in a far end corner, they are so cute. a9lan jad who cares about som3a? they might get married


"7amdellah wel shiker" mama said staring at the couple


"bes yuma khala9 you've been saying that for the past 5mins" Remas said


Hal 6al3a ma minha fayda, everyone's depressed and sad. umy tabee shay i thought to myself. I took Abdullah and put him between me and Remas Ayman was fast asleep. Abdullah had just learned to talk, Remas gave him the menu


"ha shnu tabee?" Remas asked him


"hada,frensh fri" Abdullah said and pointed at the french fries, too cute. I normally strongly dislike babies but my brothers are so cute!
Abdullah gave Remas a kiss, then took my hand and started playing with my rings


"7abeebty" My mother looked at me. Oh that look. I did nothing but look at her. She wanted to say something.


"ba36eech ur phone bes abeech tadriseen this weekend" She said


"eee okay enshallah 6ab3an" I said and extended my arm for my phone


As soon as I took my phone I thanked my mother and made plans with Remas, 3aysha and her older sister Sara, Farah and sherifa.
A9lan my mom's going to bahrain this weekend. shloun bitadree etha I studied wela la'? uboy ma ra7 efaten 3alay.


The day passed by fast. We went to 360, biggest mistake to do on a thursday. I saw khaled with his friends smoking and checking out girls. He was wearing a dishdasha, He looked so good but what's a pretty face with an ugly personality? Farah and I kept glancing at each other. Remas saw me look at him.


When we got home, we took our bags to the car and Remas drove us to jlai3a.


Remas and I talked about 360 and what I saw and how I felt. She is such a good sister, always cares. Then she drifted in her sleep and I was left alone and took out my laptop and watched the latest episode of one tree hill. I still can't believe it ended.


Finally wi9alna, I saw Bader and my cousins from the glass covered room. minzimaan mu shayfa my other cousins. I see them every 3 or 4 months because they go to a boarding school in qatar


I gave my cousin fajer a hug. God i've missed her so much!


"I miss you" I said


"uff, matadreen 7atan ana!" She said o shaga il '9a7ka. etshaweeg!.


I turned towards my cousin Bader ya3nee I was going to hug him too wela I realized my cousins would kill me with death stares.


I sat between Bader and Fajer, We used to be so close before boarding school.


"kintay 6al3a yasmeen?" Bader asked


"ee, 360" I said


"3asa estanastay?" He asked, such a gentlemen


"ee"  said and looked up at him. It's so cute how rarely he looks into my eyes


"yasmeen hathy ur bag?" Haya asked, isin't it obvious I was carrying it when I came in and she pointed at my bag


"ee Haya" I said, kilish malee khulgha


"matisti7een ti6le3een feeha?" She asked she sounded disgusted


"laish? 3adee" I said, really surprised


"madree atfashal a6la3 ib jan6a this big" She said


"ee bes ma titfashilain ti6le3een ib hot shorts 7ag malls ha?" Abdullah asked. waaay A7iba, latfakroun '3ala6 he's younger than me.


"abay this is totally diffrent o itha ahaly yir'9oun intow shaku?" Haya said and left the room


Soon everyone else left, now it's just me and Bader


"shfeech intay o haya?" Bader asked as his put his arm around my shoulder


"madree itnarfiz!" I said


"shift rabe3ha, hailag ahlag minha o intay a7san minha" He said


"Thank you" I said and my smile grew wider


"adree, adree I made your day" Bader said sounding confident


"you wish, minta nawee itgi9 sha3rek?" I asked, his hair is long and its light brown and he keeps hiding it behind his cap


"enshallah ba3ad midterms" He said, that's one month away


"ulaa, inzain abee ashouf sheel ur cap" I told him


"bes akhaf ta7sideeny" He said


"chub yallah" I said


"okay" he said, his hair was longer than i thought, but the color was brown almoust gold-ish 7ada 7lu


"ha agi9a still?" He asked


"7ada 3ajeeb, madree kaifik. barou7 anam" I said and stood up because I knew if I stayed something bad is going to happen.


"ula lihal daraja sha3ree 7lu emdowkhich?" He asked as he held up his arm for me to help him up


"chub" I said and pulled him up. We were so close I could smell his perfume


He smiled and said"goodnight ya 7elwa" I melted felt the goose bumps on my skin, there were butterflies in my stomache and my entire body shivered "ti9ba7 3ala khair" I managed to say


He was so hot. I've never felt this way before It is such a thrilling, diffrent and dangerous experience. I know its bad but in a good way bes shda3wa Bader did that to me? Any could have but he is the first even khaled never made me feel this way. A9lan theres no comparison. I know I was crossing lines but what the hell. who cares? i'm young and foolish


I changed and got to bed and that's when overthinking took over.

Welcome to reality- Chapter 13:

Before i start i just found out that "farah" found my blog bes 9aida mu mistaw3iba ina i'm the writer. LOL.


plus, who's excited for Pretty little liars tonight?


-


Today Deema and Farah are coming over so we can start our plan. well, first we have to tell farah because i can't keep this from her. I think she's going to be mad or childish.


PING!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


PING!!!


Yasmeen: FU, eff muz3ija!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Farah: ana o Deema bara


Yasmeen: yal bgara mat3arfeen it6igeen il jaras?


Farah: Oops. I forgot.


Yasmeen: I thought so.


ughh they woke me up from my nap. kilish mu wagthum and the headache I had grew stronger.

5 mins passed...

10 mins passed...

15 mins passed...

hathaila wainhum? I got out of my bed went downstairs wela ga3deen ma3a Ayman o Abdullah waayy, klaab amout 3alaihum bes we have important matter.


"yallah daree ibsir3a!" I yelled at them, they both laughed at me because of the way I looked with my messy hair.


"il naas esalmoun" said farah


"ana '3air 3an il naas" I said with absolute annoyance.


I went to my room and jumped on my bed, Farah sat next to me o il7ub Deema took off her shoes and stretched out on my couch.


"hathe ilga3da waraha salfa" Farah said


Deema glipsed at me, ya3ne laysh ma itrage3? Adree it3aref


"laa maku shay" I said trying to "rage3ha"


"I saw Deema yallah spill" She said while shoving my shoulders back and forth


"okay, umm tathkireen the guy you told me about khaled-farah glared at me- latkhafeen Deema knows okay whatever. I sort of had this summer fling with him this summer 6ila3 e7mar after you told me he said he's never been with another girl-" I said


"okay stop, let me process" Farah said, breathing heavily


"shfeech?" I asked, she was breathing heavily for over 5 mins akhaf feeha shay


"mafeeny shay okay continue" Farah said curiously


6ila3 her devil side, That's the farah I know waiting for pay back. She didn't seem mad, good allah laywarekum Farah when she's mad.


"So I had this plan *ahem deema coughed* okay WE had this plan *ahem deema coughed again* okay Deema came up with this plan: We make a fake account, flirt with khaled via Dm's, exchange phone numbers then send khaled A photoshopped picture of him with some girls from google and tell him if he doesn't do what we say binansher il 9ura" I said


"DEEMAA?!" Farah yelled across at her


"ee esh3abalch?" She gave her look that says 'shnu ya3ne mu shay yedeed?'


"mahagaitch chithy" Farah said


"ana shay yedeed 3endy" I said


"okay, already sawait the account samaitaha jawa cute huh?" She said china shay 3adee


We all gave each other looks like we know this is a terriable Idea but who cares? I'm a human being. I was born to make mistakes.