What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When your tired of living and playing this game?
When you know your life is meaningless and your the only one to blame?
What do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
When you smile and laugh but you know its all a show?
When you feel like you've hit your all time low?
When nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?
What do you call it when you feel so alone?
When your in your house but it don't feel like home?
When you look back in your life and every choice you made seems wrong?
When the wait to die seems too long.
When your loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When your tired of living and playing this game?
When you know your life is meaningless and your the only one to blame?
What do you call it when the hurt is in your soul?
When you smile and laugh but you know its all a show?
When you feel like you've hit your all time low?
When nothing makes you happy and the darkness around you grows?
What do you call it when you feel so alone?
When your in your house but it don't feel like home?
When you look back in your life and every choice you made seems wrong?
When the wait to die seems too long.
Depression struck. My grandfather is one of the closest people in my life, it's like loosing Deema or Remas or one of my parents allah yagoul o ya7fi'9hum. He is one of the sweetest people I know he always used to tell me "الزين ما هو زين الملامح الزين الأطباع"
He'd say that every time he'd see me, cutest thing ever.
I miss him bes enshallah alla idakhla il janah
Now there's also Bader, I know when someone special walkes into my life and makes it a better place I'm not supposed to let that person go. That's Bader. He always try's to make me a better person.
A person that faces her problems and doesn't avoid them.
A person that's always posotive
A person that's always happer.
A person that prays five times a day at the exact time of the 9alaat.
A person that smiles at sad strangers.
I love bader bes not in a couple way. I don't know what we are but we are not together. I don't think we'll ever be together, ya3nee he's a good guy bes I don't see myself with someone other than khaled but I have to accept that we're not together anymore and now he's just somebody that I used to know.
I didn't go to school for the next couple of days but I went to school on wednesday. All day people were giving me looks of pittiness and the only three words i've been hearing are "3atham allah ajrch" I'm fine, well i'm not but I can't tell people that, they'ed think iny daloo3a and if I tell them I'm fine ra7 igouloon "maku i7sas ina yadha towafa" ma3araf shagoul wallah. So of course I pretend that i'm okay, I'm always that way. I'm always depressed unless i'm with the people I love.
I've skipped almost every class today with farah, a9lan farah doesn't go to unless She has to. We stay in the old "hunted" gym and just talk about our problems and she shows me hot guys twitter pages and I'd tell her she's such a stalker and she'd smoke in the gym. I'd try not to smoke but I can't, I don't smoke in front of her because I haven't told her but she already know because of what happened in the car and I smell.
"7adch 3ajeeba, I know you won't ditch with me everyday bes we need to do this again." Farah said
"uff 7ada min9ijch, ay wagt." I said
"Adree ina your sad bes you need to keep your head up, stay strong, fake smile and move on" Farah said
"best advice I've heard today, you're awesome" I said
"oh, I have another one" Farah said
"goulay" I said
"never call a girl fat even if you're joking" Farah said
"aywaa, wise stolen words" I said and I gave her a high-five. I do it for support.
And for some reason I realized that it's not the happy people who are thankful, its thankful people who are happy.
"can I tell you something?" Farah said, She looks like she trusts me and she wants to tell someone bes matadry mnu, I nodded.
"There's this guy we used to be together last year bes faja' we stopped talking and now ga3deen insolif daily. madree if we're together or not" Farah said
"Okay, mnu? shnu isma?" I asked
"I saw him the other day in jlai3a yam shalaihkum, isma Khaled Al- X"
it hurts the most when the person that made you feel special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today.
"Kaled?" I said
"shaklch it3arfeena" Farah said
"ee a3arfa rifeej my cousin, igouloon ina player" I said and the last bell rang.
khara 3alaih and all this time ana 3abaly i7ibny. a7gar insan shifta ib 7ayatee ughhhhh! I can't believe that I believed him. Deema yayah ma3ay il bait ilyoum, she's helping me catch up on my studies. I grabbed Deema quickly and told her to meet me outside in 5. I didn't even bother to take my bag.
I saw talking with Sula and sharoof, They were trying to cheer me up but they ended up talking about some rumor they heard but I still love them. I was waiting on my nerves for deema, akheeran sharifatna ba3ad 20 mins. The way home was quiet and we're normally not. I can't talk because well, my driver and my nanny yifhimoun. so I listend to taylor swift's 15. That explaines exactly what i'm feeling. when you're fifteen sombody tells you they love you you're gonna believe them.
akheeran wi9alna il bait I dragged Deema to my room and she orderd johonny rockets while I changed and Ilhanem ib kaifa khathat o ilbisat uhdoomy.
"yallah goulay ree7tch khara" She said once I came out of the bathroom ma3a ree7ty
I told her what happened about farah and khaled.
"ana mu giltlch don't trust her! o hal kalb ma yiste7y 3ala waiha- yasmeen la tabcheen, uhwa mu kafu" Deema said
"bes aana il '3abiyyaa ilee 9adaggta o Farah ma tadreee, ihhyaa shaku?" I said, now I was mad
"Dayoum shasawee?" I said
"umm, ee 3araft" Deema said
Deema told me her idea and I do admit she is evil.
I didn't go to school for the next couple of days but I went to school on wednesday. All day people were giving me looks of pittiness and the only three words i've been hearing are "3atham allah ajrch" I'm fine, well i'm not but I can't tell people that, they'ed think iny daloo3a and if I tell them I'm fine ra7 igouloon "maku i7sas ina yadha towafa" ma3araf shagoul wallah. So of course I pretend that i'm okay, I'm always that way. I'm always depressed unless i'm with the people I love.
I've skipped almost every class today with farah, a9lan farah doesn't go to unless She has to. We stay in the old "hunted" gym and just talk about our problems and she shows me hot guys twitter pages and I'd tell her she's such a stalker and she'd smoke in the gym. I'd try not to smoke but I can't, I don't smoke in front of her because I haven't told her but she already know because of what happened in the car and I smell.
"7adch 3ajeeba, I know you won't ditch with me everyday bes we need to do this again." Farah said
"uff 7ada min9ijch, ay wagt." I said
"Adree ina your sad bes you need to keep your head up, stay strong, fake smile and move on" Farah said
"best advice I've heard today, you're awesome" I said
"oh, I have another one" Farah said
"goulay" I said
"never call a girl fat even if you're joking" Farah said
"aywaa, wise stolen words" I said and I gave her a high-five. I do it for support.
And for some reason I realized that it's not the happy people who are thankful, its thankful people who are happy.
"can I tell you something?" Farah said, She looks like she trusts me and she wants to tell someone bes matadry mnu, I nodded.
"There's this guy we used to be together last year bes faja' we stopped talking and now ga3deen insolif daily. madree if we're together or not" Farah said
"Okay, mnu? shnu isma?" I asked
"I saw him the other day in jlai3a yam shalaihkum, isma Khaled Al- X"
it hurts the most when the person that made you feel special yesterday makes you feel so unwanted today.
"Kaled?" I said
"shaklch it3arfeena" Farah said
"ee a3arfa rifeej my cousin, igouloon ina player" I said and the last bell rang.
khara 3alaih and all this time ana 3abaly i7ibny. a7gar insan shifta ib 7ayatee ughhhhh! I can't believe that I believed him. Deema yayah ma3ay il bait ilyoum, she's helping me catch up on my studies. I grabbed Deema quickly and told her to meet me outside in 5. I didn't even bother to take my bag.
I saw talking with Sula and sharoof, They were trying to cheer me up but they ended up talking about some rumor they heard but I still love them. I was waiting on my nerves for deema, akheeran sharifatna ba3ad 20 mins. The way home was quiet and we're normally not. I can't talk because well, my driver and my nanny yifhimoun. so I listend to taylor swift's 15. That explaines exactly what i'm feeling. when you're fifteen sombody tells you they love you you're gonna believe them.
akheeran wi9alna il bait I dragged Deema to my room and she orderd johonny rockets while I changed and Ilhanem ib kaifa khathat o ilbisat uhdoomy.
"yallah goulay ree7tch khara" She said once I came out of the bathroom ma3a ree7ty
I told her what happened about farah and khaled.
"ana mu giltlch don't trust her! o hal kalb ma yiste7y 3ala waiha- yasmeen la tabcheen, uhwa mu kafu" Deema said
"bes aana il '3abiyyaa ilee 9adaggta o Farah ma tadreee, ihhyaa shaku?" I said, now I was mad
"Dayoum shasawee?" I said
"umm, ee 3araft" Deema said
Deema told me her idea and I do admit she is evil.
wow.wow.wow.wow
ReplyDeleteI just finished reading all your posts in less than 30 minutes!!! I love love love the story, please keep writing! I hope yasmeen ends up with bader!!
- bella xoxo
http://belladelboulevard.blogspot.com
thank youuu xx enshallah
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