Welcome to reality- chapter 36:

The sunlight shining throught the cream-colored curtain, waking me up. It was a beautiful saturday morning. yesterday was perfect.I hope today's perfect too but perfection doesn't even exist so, whatever.


I climbed out out bed and walked down our marble staircase to find my sister that isin't supposed to be here, cooking breakfast. Weird.


"hallah" I said "mta yaitay?" and smiled.


"ana nayma ehnee, 9aida" She said.


oh, crap.


"umm, ams sima3t nas-" I started to say but she cut me off.


"chubay, yasmeen I heard you and umm" She said with a abit of sadness in her eyes like she's been crying, I just noticed when I came closer.


"Bader, umm.. remas I'm sorry I won't do it again" I said and a tear drop escaped her eyes. Sadness filled my heart when I saw her cry.


"shfeech remas? mithawsha ma3a raylech? you can talk to me about it" I said, she cried harder.


"It's not about that, it's Bader yasmeena" She said, My eyes filled with tears.


"shfee bader, is he okay?" I said loudly, She didn't reply she just nodded her head.


"Remas, please tell me" I said, she's killing me here I need to know.


She took a deep breath and said "It's Bader, After he left here.. He got into a huge accident"


"mowjood bel mustashfa?yallah 5anroo7" I said holding my tears. I stood up, I wanted to go change. I smiled trying to act brave when my heart had been cut into a million peices.


"yasmeena, el 3azah bader bacher you need to come" When she said that and I just broke. I cried and cried. Remas hugged me tight and that made me cry even more.


I lost Bader.


I lost my best friend.


I lost the only person that I ever truely loved.


I lost the only person that I ever opened my heart up to.


I lost the only person that I ever trusted fully


I lost the only person that no matter what NEVER judged me.


I locked myself in my room, cried all night. That night when I slept wish pure depression in my soul.


I stayed that way for about another year or so, filled with depression.

And until now, not a single day passes by that I don't sleep at night without thinking of everything we've been through.

It is one of the hardest things in the world to lose a loved one.

And until today, I cry every single night remembering him.

That one moment when I lost some of the few people in my life who taught me what true love really is. The smile that shines brightly no longer shines as bright as it used to, the tears that rolled down my cheeks became heavier, and yet here I am stronger than ever because of him.


As each day goes on I live my life a little more, burying the pain that was left and will always be there, deeply in my heart.

No pain can match the pain of losing the ones you loved with all your heart, even when you don’t realize how much they meant to you until they’re no longer by your side.

Welcome to reality- Chapter 35:

It was Mid-October, I had just gotten into the school pattern. It was a bright day, a friday. instead of going to my grandmother's for lunch we're(the entire family) going to prime and toast. Today's looks like its going to be a good day.


I called Fajer, my cousin, I asked her when she was going to pick me up. She'll arive in 10 minutes. I got up from bed and took a quick shower. I wore a sky blue dress, The dress was long and simple. I wore silver sandals. I didn't even bother to dry my hair. I like it this way.


Today, I wore no make up. I love how simple I look, I'm usually not that way. Fajer said she was outside.
I made my way to their driver's car.


"hii, shlonich? shaklich eshaweg yasmeeen!" She said, I smiled at her compliment. I usually don't like compliments because I have a low confidence in my beauty. I always see that my sister's prettier than me.


We chatted about her new school in kuwait, for the past 4 years she was in a boarding school in qatar. I missed what it's like to have her in my life without rushing because she travels back and forth. We were so close before she went to boarding school. She was like a sister I'd tell everything to.


We arrived and I greeted parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. My family rarely goes out all together, I was one of those days that I'd look back at and realize that I truely really happy without doing something wrong.


I seated next to Remas, my sister, on my left. Remas just came back from her honeymoon a week ago. Our house has been empty without her. Fajer sat on my right and I sat across from Bader, I haven't seen Bader in so long.


The parents were talking about polotics since my family is full of polotions. It seems like the only topic they ever talk about.


I listened to my cousins talk about their wild adventures, they usually skip school all together and go out. I love it when they tell me about their adventures, these days I rarely get to see them.


I spent the rest of the day at home with fajer, we watched friends and talked. I don't ever think i've laughed this much in my entire life.


"shlon kan boarding school, '3air 3an school ehnee?" I asked.


"faaaaarg, ehnak ma95ara(I smirked at her) ok, chub don't look at me like that you know what I mean" She said and I laughed at her.


I heared something buzz, It was her phone.


"My driver barah barou7" She stood up and gave me a hug.


"mara7 etwa9leeny ta7at" She said with a smile.


"maskeena, el bait fa'9e bes ana elwa7eeda eli mowjooda a7sanle ag3ad ehnee bes i love you" I said.


"ee khair"she replied with a smile and left.


After she left, I grabbed my BlackBerry. It was 1 a.m.


I saw I had a bbm from Bader.


Bader: malal


Yasmeen: wainik?


Bader: al7een ba6la3 mn el duwaniya, entay?


Yasmeen: bel bait, wai3 maku a7ad


Bader: bamurich


Yasmeen: ay shay, la' wain ga3deen?


Bader: yallah 3ad


Yasmeen: la' mu6rif(his driver) akeed begoul 7ag ahalik


Bader: la2


Yasmeen: you drive now? ma3endik lisince


Bader: ubooy ya36eeny el sayara la2ana mu6rif ma yar'3a ewadeeny


Yasmeen: ma5eth the mercedes? :o


Bader: adree etmouteen 3ala el sayara, ma tabeen etshoufeenha?


Yasmeen: okay you can come over


please no one judge me on what's going to happen next. Once you know a person as long as your entire life you know they won't do anything to hurt you. Please try to understand this.


Bader: ana already bara, el duwaniya kanat nafs man6igatkum


Yasmeen: mara7 a6la3 ta3al, the back door's open


I went down to the 9alah, my parents were traveling and brothers were sound asleep up stairs.


I saw him come, and I approached him "heyy" I said.


"hallah" He said, then he hugged me tight.


"i miss you" he whispered, my cheeks flushed, I had butterflies in my stomache. All I could think about is how good he smelled.


Despite all that I replied "yal 3ayar, you saw me el 9ub7" I shot back.


"why don't you just say 'i miss you too'?"He said.


"I'm not the kind of person that lies" I said.


"aa77" He said in a dramatic way and smiled, i love his smile.


"ta3alay 5al nitmasha bel 7adeega" He said with a smirk.


"ee, khaair" I said.


"mn9ijy, ta3alay" He smiled and pulled my hand lightly.


I stood up, he put his arm around me. We walked outside, he looked so handsome underneath the moon light.


I remember that night vividly. Extreamly happy was an under exaggeration of what I felt.


We sat on the grass, playing the star game that we always play in the chalet.


& we just lay there all night looking at the stars. I couldn't get over how handsome he was under the moonlight. His light brown hair with slight curls coming out of his cap. His smile just made me happy.


After we counted every star in the sky, he sat up and said "you're too beautiful" I never believe it when he compliments me but at that moment it felt so real. I blushed.


We were too close, he kissed my cheeks, stood up and said "the sun will rise any minute now, lazim arou7" He left.



 I just stayed there thinking about him. Letting my thoughts consume him.